I wish I could say that the first of january is just another day, not different from any other. Alas, I find myself looking back on the events of past year.. and the years before.
I'm now not far off turning 30, wich basically means getting OLD.
I remember not being able to imagine my self as a 25-yr old, but now 2006 seems like ancient history. Have I realy gone old without noticing? Blaming the 'little things' like dry skin, hair loss and backaches on having children..
I think I have not. I think, actally, that I'm not old at all, really I don't even look old (if I may say myself). Yes, tired and sleepless, but that might pass upcoming year.
I also decided early this year that 2011 will be a sports year. I'm gonna get my sneekers on and walk as much as I can, maybe even run from time to time. Also planning on finally getting that burkini!!
And if nothing of the sort happens, no worries, being a mom is like a sport as well.
Now the things I'm not planning to do, or planning to not-do (anymore):
Not yet going back to work. No trips to far away. No more zoo trips, well .. not as often as in 2011.
What else not? No more sulking, no more sarcasm - difficult -, no more .. some of the other vices I have. If you see any, please notify ..
Fact remains, that eventhough I feel fit and extremely optimistic, I'd still be turning 30. Which basically means OLD. And comes with slower metabolism, aches all over, wrinkles, fails where I used to succeed, and a few drops in my IQ. Hihi, think that has already begun. I have to be a bit realistic, and act more like my age.
I'm sure it'll be okay, Insha'Allah, let's just see what happens and how it turns out to be. And enjoy along the way.
Friday 31 December 2010
Wednesday 13 October 2010
Quitting Music
Everyone who knows me, even just slightly, knows that I like music .. A lot. It actually is a part of my identity. There has been a time that I could only define myself with songs. And the songs determined my self-image.
There was also this addiction, this need for music with everything that I did.
Music to wake up to.
Music to have breakfast with.
Music for travelling
Music to socialize with.
Music to study with.
Music to have lunch with.
Music to dance to.
Music to fall asleep with.
And not only that, music also influenced my mood. It still does sometimes.
Saying that I'm attached to music is what they call an understatement. So, the past few years, I've tried to minimize the above, with succes.
A couple of weeks ago, on the radio they had the "90's request week", I really wanted to listen to it. Not only for the music, but also for the emotions and memories they are linked with. The 90's were my highschool years.
It was fun hearing those songs again, singing along and as always dancing when nobody's watching. The fun however didn't last as long as I thought it would... Only for 2 days .. And after that it was only a bunch of noise, disturbing my ease. It seemed that I had enough and was done with it.
So, taking that as my cue, I shall now quit with this lifestyle. Cold turkey. And resist the urge to think about what the perfect song would be.
.
There was also this addiction, this need for music with everything that I did.
Music to wake up to.
Music to have breakfast with.
Music for travelling
Music to socialize with.
Music to study with.
Music to have lunch with.
Music to dance to.
Music to fall asleep with.
And not only that, music also influenced my mood. It still does sometimes.
Saying that I'm attached to music is what they call an understatement. So, the past few years, I've tried to minimize the above, with succes.
A couple of weeks ago, on the radio they had the "90's request week", I really wanted to listen to it. Not only for the music, but also for the emotions and memories they are linked with. The 90's were my highschool years.
It was fun hearing those songs again, singing along and as always dancing when nobody's watching. The fun however didn't last as long as I thought it would... Only for 2 days .. And after that it was only a bunch of noise, disturbing my ease. It seemed that I had enough and was done with it.
So, taking that as my cue, I shall now quit with this lifestyle. Cold turkey. And resist the urge to think about what the perfect song would be.
.
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Monday 26 July 2010
Pearls of Jannah
To be a mother of two sons has turned out to be different from being a mother of one son. Perhaps being a mother of two just is different, but I can only speak out of my own experiences.
Having Umar Haroen changed my life, because everything was about him without any regards for myself. It was tiring me out, but by my own choice, because I believed that I was investing in a better future for him if by spending so much energy on him.Looking back, sacrifices happily made, but at the time they very harsh to keep up.
It took a while before I was ready for another energy-consuming experience, and after 3 yrs the time felt right. I wanted Umar Haroen to have a sibling, and Mohammed Ayoub was born.
And what a sibling he is, a carbon copy! And I realised for the first time that I'm rich. Rich to have not one, but two beautiful pearls. This new level of awareness came with other positive side-effects, like patience and mercy. And thankfulness to the Creator, Who has blessed me beyond count.
And instead of energy-consuming, my second son has turned out to be energy-providing - making it possible to enjoy both of them to the fullest.
Having Umar Haroen changed my life, because everything was about him without any regards for myself. It was tiring me out, but by my own choice, because I believed that I was investing in a better future for him if by spending so much energy on him.Looking back, sacrifices happily made, but at the time they very harsh to keep up.
It took a while before I was ready for another energy-consuming experience, and after 3 yrs the time felt right. I wanted Umar Haroen to have a sibling, and Mohammed Ayoub was born.
And what a sibling he is, a carbon copy! And I realised for the first time that I'm rich. Rich to have not one, but two beautiful pearls. This new level of awareness came with other positive side-effects, like patience and mercy. And thankfulness to the Creator, Who has blessed me beyond count.
And instead of energy-consuming, my second son has turned out to be energy-providing - making it possible to enjoy both of them to the fullest.
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Sunday 2 May 2010
After the long wait
After Umar Haroen was born, it took me quite a while before I thought I was ready for another kid.
When we decided that our family was ready for another member, it was still a shock to find out I was pregnant not long after the decision was made. I was scared that things would go wrong, but I was also anxious about everything if all would be well - meaning that nine months later there would be another kid around! And besides that, I was about to start my new job .. How could we be sure that the time was right?
After this, the long and tiring months followed. This pregnancy was very different from the one before, in which I was very fit & active. Now, I was only being tired and grumpy with a lot of aches everywhere - well, not the entire time, but it was mostly like this.
4 weeks before the due-date, I've worked a lot in and around the house, to make sure everything was ready. With only 2 weeks to go, I was ready. I felt ready, and when I felt the first cramps I knew that the baby was ready as well. In these two weeks I learned that it seems that I don't know my body at all, I had one false alarm after the other - but no baby.
And then it was the 6th of April, D-day, so to speak ... 1 day over due - 2 days over due - 3 days .. and I stopped counting.
But on the night from the 16th to the 17th, I woke up with teriible aches. Of course, I didn't believe it was the real deal, because I had been fooled so many times by now. I just got up, took a shower and waited for the aches to lessen. Which didn't happen.. It was time ..
A couple of hours later I was given my son Mohammed Ayoub. My first thought on seeing him was 'Umar Haroen' (his brother).
And when I held him, everything was perfect. Our family felt complete, Umar now has a little brother, Shah and I now have 2 sons.
There were no worries anymore, everything was as it was and as it was supposed to be. Subhan'Allah.
When we decided that our family was ready for another member, it was still a shock to find out I was pregnant not long after the decision was made. I was scared that things would go wrong, but I was also anxious about everything if all would be well - meaning that nine months later there would be another kid around! And besides that, I was about to start my new job .. How could we be sure that the time was right?
After this, the long and tiring months followed. This pregnancy was very different from the one before, in which I was very fit & active. Now, I was only being tired and grumpy with a lot of aches everywhere - well, not the entire time, but it was mostly like this.
4 weeks before the due-date, I've worked a lot in and around the house, to make sure everything was ready. With only 2 weeks to go, I was ready. I felt ready, and when I felt the first cramps I knew that the baby was ready as well. In these two weeks I learned that it seems that I don't know my body at all, I had one false alarm after the other - but no baby.
And then it was the 6th of April, D-day, so to speak ... 1 day over due - 2 days over due - 3 days .. and I stopped counting.
But on the night from the 16th to the 17th, I woke up with teriible aches. Of course, I didn't believe it was the real deal, because I had been fooled so many times by now. I just got up, took a shower and waited for the aches to lessen. Which didn't happen.. It was time ..
A couple of hours later I was given my son Mohammed Ayoub. My first thought on seeing him was 'Umar Haroen' (his brother).
And when I held him, everything was perfect. Our family felt complete, Umar now has a little brother, Shah and I now have 2 sons.
There were no worries anymore, everything was as it was and as it was supposed to be. Subhan'Allah.
Sunday 7 February 2010
It's easy to give up
It's been a hard day today, one of many in the past month.
The idea of the upcoming labour is tiring me out already .. is knowing what hardship is coming your way a blessing or a burden? This time I can at least 'prepare' myself, whatever that is suppose to mean.
Today I was ready to throw in the towel, to give up and lie in bed for the rest of the days to come. There seems to be no energy left, not in my legs, not in my back and not in my head.
But then I realised: giving up is too easy, and therefor no option!
Giving up has never done me any good, and once, a long time ago I decided that giving up isn't something that I just do.
So .. I won't give up and I won't give in ..
* I will get out of bed, and enjoy the day
* I will go to work for the next two weeks, and make the best of it
* I will do the household, as good as I can
* I will accept that I'm made to give birth, for I'm a woman
* I will smile
* I will play with my son
* I will keep my chin up and challenge the hardship
And all because I know that:
Allah doest NOT burden any human being with more than he is WELL ABLE TO BEAR!! (Q 2:286)
The idea of the upcoming labour is tiring me out already .. is knowing what hardship is coming your way a blessing or a burden? This time I can at least 'prepare' myself, whatever that is suppose to mean.
Today I was ready to throw in the towel, to give up and lie in bed for the rest of the days to come. There seems to be no energy left, not in my legs, not in my back and not in my head.
But then I realised: giving up is too easy, and therefor no option!
Giving up has never done me any good, and once, a long time ago I decided that giving up isn't something that I just do.
So .. I won't give up and I won't give in ..
* I will get out of bed, and enjoy the day
* I will go to work for the next two weeks, and make the best of it
* I will do the household, as good as I can
* I will accept that I'm made to give birth, for I'm a woman
* I will smile
* I will play with my son
* I will keep my chin up and challenge the hardship
And all because I know that:
Allah doest NOT burden any human being with more than he is WELL ABLE TO BEAR!! (Q 2:286)
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